yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
