so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
