I faked an abortion last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
