he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
