wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
