I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
