she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
