there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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