I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
