We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
