Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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