just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
