All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
