I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
