how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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