Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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