She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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