I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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