All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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