Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
