The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
