You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
