Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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