i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
