So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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