Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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