your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
