my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
