I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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