I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
