He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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