Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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