today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
