I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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