forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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