i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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