First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
