nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dick very happy bro
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
