i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
