you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
