I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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