first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
