Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
