Just cropdusted the office
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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