i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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