I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
