I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
