Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
