I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
