hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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